Friday, 20 May 2016

Is This The Last Time?

Last night, Paloma and I went through her totes full of baby stuff, looking for the things we'll need for Baby #2. I felt kind of emotional going through the baby stuff again. When I put that stuff away after Paloma was done with it, I didn't feel very bad because I was pretty confident we'd have a second baby. But now, I keep thinking that this baby may be my last and it makes me sad. Last night may have been the last time I dig through boxes looking for newborn items to wash and get ready for a new arrival.

I just wrote 2 paragraphs full of reasons why I want more kids, but deleted them because, to make a long story short - it's what I've always imagined. If I don't have my third kid, will my dinner table always feel like it's missing a place?

But there are good reasons why I should probably stop after 2 kids. We have to pay a gazillion dollars for daycare. And how would we ever afford to travel as a family of 5? I love to travel...  Andino has mentioned on more than one occasion that he is done after 2. That he is "too old for this". I have to take his feelings into account.

Recently, I did a tour of children's shelters as a Board Engagement activity through the YWCA. I always knew there was an overcrowding of foster children in this city, but seeing them and meeting them really hit my heart. I have talked to Andino many times about fostering and he's not sold on the idea. If we did, I'd probably only foster newborns and small babies. I know it's a few years away before I'd be able to do it but it's certainly on my mind. The only problem with fostering newborns is that I wouldn't get maternity leave as a foster Mom and as a Canadian, I can't imagine putting a newborn in daycare... although I suppose it really wouldn't be that bad.

I'll be 35 weeks this Sunday. I decided that since this is possibly my last pregnancy and therefore my last delivery, I'm going ahead with a home birth. I have always been intrigued by the idea and my midwives assure me I'm an ideal candidate. I've decided against a water birth though. I don't want to be bothered with all that set up and take down. I want everything to be simple. I won a doula and birth photography package though a local babywearing facebook group I am part of. It's valued at $1500 but we got it for $250. It would be amazing if we got some beautiful pictures from the delivery.

I'm still feeling quite comfortable. The baby has dropped (which never happened last time at all, not even when I was in active labour) so my ribs aren't hurting any more, which was one of my major discomforts over the last few weeks. I've been having some braxton hicks, especially if I over exert myself, but nothing major. No swelling or other discomfort other than the obvious discomfort from bending over or trying to wrangle a toddler while heavily pregnant.

We have more or less decided on names. We have 2 boys names and 2 girls names we agree on and we will probably just wait until the baby comes and see what he or she looks like. I have 3 weeks left of work and then I'm off for 14 months which makes me incredibly happy.

And now I will leave you with a few photos:

It was unseasonably chilly a few mornings last week

Playing with her cousin

homemade banana ice cream!

6 comments:

  1. Oh, I do hope you share some of the photos from your birth! I have always sort of wished I had those types of photos and a natural birth, but I had all C-sections.

    I can tell you as someone who is from and always wanted a big family...when we had our three and then I went through miscarriages and IF...there was always something missing. Even though my life was full, things never felt complete, even as I started realizing I would never have anymore. When we brought home our 4th after all those years, it was like he was that missing piece. Then we got bonus baby, and even though I could probably be done, I have that longing for one more. But it doesn't feel as if I am missing anything now.
    My husband recently had a job with an older retired couple who told him they had five children. The wife said that she always wanted 6 kids but her husband didn't want any more, and how it still bothered her to that day, even though they had several grandchildren. The husband said that she reminds him of the 6th child she didn't get to have every chance she gets.
    Many years ago someone once told me "You will never regret having another child, but you might regret NOT having another." And I always go back to that thought when I need a touchstone.

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  2. I have always only thought about having two kids; luckily my husband feels the same way. I also think that at age 37 and with my husband about to turn 40 next month, that we are old enough to stop. :-)

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  3. I can't believe you're almost there! Feels like not that long ago we were having lunch and you barely looked pregnant. I know we definitely couldn't do more than two, but are you guys still thinking about adopting down the line? I love the fostering idea, although not having mat leave would be very hard, especially because the baby would probably have some issues that your own might not. Would working from home ever be an option?

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  4. Your almost there! Can't believe it! I've always wanted a big family too but always wonder if 2 is enough. Only time will tell.

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  5. I hope you have a safe and healthy birth (not sure what adjectives to use there: "pleasant" doesn't seem like quite the thing lol). I hope you find some way to welcome more children into your heart and/or home, whatever the method. I think it is wonderful that you feel you gave so much to give. Paloma is beautiful. AJ has the same sweater, isn't it a cute one lol.

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  6. I've been gone from the blog world for a few months, but I've thought of you often and wondered how you are doing. I'm so happy that your pregnancy has been going smoothly and that you are so close to meeting baby #2! Paloma is absolutely beautiful, just like her mama. You have such a heart for children. I know that even if you don't have any more after this one, you will always be seeking ways to help others.

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