Sunday, 22 January 2017

This & That

Like most of us who try to write updates post-babies, this will be in bullet point format for the sake of time.

A little update on the egg donation: Unfortunately, it looks like it's not going to happen. The woman I was going to donate to was advised against a known donor when she met with her RE. She has decided to go with an anonymous donor through the clinic or adopt. I was disappointed, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.

An update on my organisation mamas 4 mamas: We recently held a very successful fundraiser and are currently in the process of setting up some scholarships for midwifery students. Most likely in Ghana.

My baby chickadee is 7 months old! Time sure does fly. It's amazing to see her little personality unfolding and to see her interacting with her older sister. Paloma has started soccer lessons on Mondays which she is just crazy about.  While I obviously have my stressed-out moments, life is really wonderful right now. I keep thinking about doing a day in the life post & maybe sometime I'll get around to it.

On treatment: we are undecided on if we'll start again this July/August or November/December. There are pros and cons to each scenario. It will depend on if I get my period back this summer and of course, finances.

I miss all my old blogging friends. I know I've connected with some of you on FB but please, if we aren't connected, reach out because I'd love to hear from you!

Sunday, 20 November 2016

Find me On Facebook

Friends, it's become obvious that I'm not updating this blog as much as I'd like to. Please find me on FB and let's stay in touch. I think I've already added most of my blog friends, but if I've missed you, please reach out. You were all a source of major support over the years and I'd love to keep in touch.

Life with 2 is WAY easier than I anticipated. My Mom was chatting with a couple of my friends a while back (all of whom have 3 kids each) about which number was the biggest shock. Some said #2, others said #3 but for me it was #1. With Paloma, I'm learning how to handle each stage as it comes, but with chickadee I'm always thinking "Oh it's no big deal, I've been hear before, this too shall pass..." I was already knee-deep in Motherhood when Chickadee entered our family so I just keep on going with her, but of course with Paloma, it was a big learning curve.

I don't want to give the image like my life is a breeze, because we definitely have our bad days, but even with those, I'm learning to let bygones be bygones and move on. I still call my parents all the time for advice, because they always help steer me in the right direction and/or put a new spin on the way I'm looking at the situation. My challenges are almost always a result of the terrible twos (or as my neighbour nicely put it - the tenacious twos) and not because I have more than 1 kid. I totally understood before Chickadee came along that as the second child, there were going to be times where she'd have to wait for my attention because I was busy with Paloma. I make myself feel better by saying that every second child around the world must experience the same.

In other exciting news:

  • Andino and I have decided we want to continue to expand our family. I still want 4. He says he'll evaluate after #3 comes along. When I tell people I want more, the reaction is definitely not the same as when you tell people you want a second. As much as I want to be that person who doesn't care what people think (and I'm slowly getting there) I always feel a little disheartened when the reaction is "oh my God you're crazy!" as opposed to "oh how exciting!" I love the 2 year age gap and hopefully will be able to do the same thing next time. (Oh my God my work is going to kill me...)

  • I've offered to donate my eggs to a woman I was put in touch with through the music scene my husband is a part of. He has a song about our experience with infertility and always talks about the meaning before playing it. Someone heard him and reached out after the show. It's all super early stages right now but I'm really hopeful I'll be able to help. I will hopefully blog about that when/if the time comes. 

That's all the updates I have time for now. I look forward to connecting with you all on FB!

Tuesday, 2 August 2016

Chickadee's Birth Part 2

If you missed Part 1 it's here.

So after leaving the ultrasound, we popped home quickly to move some clothes from the washer to dryer and let the dogs out for a pee. We were only home for about 10 minutes because we were anxious not to waste time. We were hoping to be able to have the baby before Paloma's daycare closed as we knew she'd be freaked out if someone else was picking her up. We went straight to the daycare and when I was carrying her in, some of the teachers were surprised I was still feeling so good right up until heading to the hospital. They asked "aren't you on your way to have a baby? How are you carrying her right now?" 

We arrived at the hospital around 10 and were greeted by the Charge Nurse who was expecing us. We were happy to see she was on duty as she also attended Paloma's birth. She said she remembered us, but who knows. We were immediately given a room in Labour & Delivery. It had no windows and I was disappointed because last time we had a beautiful, bright room. My doula texted and asked when I'd like her to come and I said as soon as possible. I was hooked up to the external monitors for half an hour just to confirm baby was healthy enough for a vaginal delivery. I felt her move more in that half hour than I had in the previous 24. I was so relieved because I was definitely hoping to avoid a c-section recovery while caring for my 2 kids. While they were monitoring me, they asked if I was okay with a practicum student attending my birth and inserting the IV. I said I was, so while I was being monitored, a student nurse inserted my IV. It was her first time and it took her a couple tries and she got a spurt of blood on her scrubs, but she managed to get it in without too much pain. I laughed with the teacher nurse when the student was diligently wiping all the blood off my hand from the IV mishap. I told her I wasn't concerned about a few tablespoons of blood considering what was about to come.

When I got the go ahead to start the Pitocin I was nervous. I'd read so many stories about intense pain from the get go. I was expecting the labour to go fast, and we were making bets on birth time. It was 10:30 am when they started the Pitocin and I guessed 2:00, Andino guessed 3:00 and my doula guessed 7:00 at night. For the next hour the three of us just chatted and I felt no pain. I was getting regular tightenings of my belly as I had been for weeks, but no pain whatsoever. The midwives had another 2 women in labour and I know they were busy, but they spent hardly any time in my room with me at all. They came in around noon and said they were going for lunch. My doula asked if they'd be doing an internal exam before leaving (considering I was already 4 cm the day before) but they said it wasn't necessary. I told them I was started to get some pain in my cervix like contractions but they were mild. 

For the next hour and a half, my doula and Andino were amazing. They really supported me during labour and made the experience the best it possibly could have been considering the circumstances. I was hooked up to the monitors the whole time and constricted to a 2 foot radius of my bed, but I was able to sit on the birthing ball, Andino gave me lots of water, they gave me back rubs and I really just felt supported. 

At no point during the hour and a half of labour did I see a midwife. About 10 minutes before chickadee was born and I was feeling the urge to push, one of the young nurses did an internal exam and said I was 6 cm. I was so confused as to how I could only be 6 when I was already pushing and at that point I started to feel overwhelmed with the experience. I couldn't stop myself from pushing and they called the charge nurse to come into my room. I felt so relieved when she came in and the other nurses told her the midwives weren't around and she said "We aren't waiting for them, this baby is coming now" She totally took control of the situation and had an assertive tone of voice which is exactly what I needed in that room full of new/student nurses. I remember her saying "open her legs, we aren't getting the baby out with them closed!" I turned on my side and just focused on her instructions as I was pushing. 

When I had Paloma, there were clearly defined times when I wanted to push and to rest. This time, I pushed hard during contractions, but then I felt confused and was also pushing between contractions too, which is probably why she came so fast. I remember my doula saying "are you having a contraction right now?" as I was pushing between contractions and me saying "ahhh maybe not..." and stopped pushing. It was just such a completely different experience this time. I know every labour & delivery is different and  I was expecting that, but I guess I wasn't expecting it to be as different as she was. 

Little chickadee came out and was put on my belly. She had a short cord (as did Paloma) so I couldn't really see her face for a few minutes until after the cord was cut. I was still feeling overwhelmed with the fact that she was actually out for a few hours after her birth. I held her for quite a while, the midwives (who finally arrived just in time to stitch me up) did her newborn check, the student nurse filled up the tub for me to take a bath and helped me get cleaned up and into my lovely mesh panties afterwards. Andino headed to pick Paloma up from daycare at 2:30, an hour after she was born. My doula went to grab me something to eat (I was starving!) and I asked her to hold chickadee until after Paloma got there, so that when she walked into the room, she wouldn't see Mommy holding the baby and could come right to me. 

We did some paperwork and were discharged from the hospital at 4:30, only 3 hours after she was born. We stopped on the way home from the hospital for bubble tea which totally hit the spot. It was so nice to be able to have an early discharge, considering we weren't able to have the home birth. It's just so much more relaxing in the comfort of your home.

*(I don't have time to proof read this, so hopefully it reads okay)

Some photos:

Sunday, 24 July 2016

Chickadee's Birth Part 1

My little chickadee was born on July 5th at 1:37 p.m. She was lazy to get labour started, but once contractions started, she wasted no time! I felt the first little twinge of a contraction at 12:00 and she was out an hour and a half later after only 5 urges to push! The labour and birth experience was nothing like Paloma's and nothing like what I expected.

I had been planning a home birth and the birth pool was set up for a couple weeks, just waiting. All the supplies were ready. A dozen towels, a dozen receiving blankets, paper towels and other odds and ends. The mini fridge downstairs was plugged in and stocked with cold drinks and snacks. For at least a week, I'd been feeling baby start to press down on my cervix and I'd feel some twinges and think "this is it for sure" only to have her stop after 10 minutes or so and go back to feeling normal. For a few weeks I'd go to bed wondering if I'd wake up in the middle of the night in labour (as I had with Paloma). After the month of June ended and I had no daycare arranged for Paloma, I started to worry about what I'd do with her while I was in labour. (Her daycare ended up taking her for free on that day)  My doula was away until July 3rd and we joked about me waiting to go into labour when she got back. I never thought that would really happen when she left on June 24th.

I went in for a midwife appointment on Monday morning and after checking me she said I was already 4cm dilated and had a "bulging bag of water". I also found out that my regular midwife was away on vacation and the new midwife would be delivering me. An ultrasound was scheduled for the following morning, just as a check up since I was 10 days overdue. After leaving the office, my waters broke at home at 10:30 a.m. It was a steady leak and I called the midwife office to let them know. They thought I'd go into labour naturally within 24 hours but advised me that after 24 hours, a home birth was no longer advised. I was home with Paloma and we went on with our day as usual. We didn't leave the house, but we played outside in the yard a lot. I was feeling completely fine with no pain whatsoever - just the regular discomfort that comes with the last few weeks of pregnancy. I noticed, however, that baby wasn't really moving. I went inside and had some ice cream which usually got her going, but still nothing. I was concerned but put it out of my mind as I figured labour was imminent. When I woke up the following morning still feeling fine - and baby still not moving much - I was worried. I decided then that I really wanted to be induced.

We called Paloma's daycare and let them know we'd be dropping her off. I packed my hospital bag and left for the ultrasound. I called the midwife to let her know I'd be heading to hospital for an induction after the ultrasound. When she told me that wasn't possible unless the ultrasound revealed something that indicated an induction, I got pretty upset. She said she could put my name on the list for induction but the hospital then triages the list and calls me when it's my turn.

I went in for the ultrasound and wasn't looking at the screen as we still didn't know the baby's sex and I sure as hell didn't want to find out then after waiting 41.5 weeks for the surprise. Andino and Paloma were in the room too and after a little while, the ultrasound tech asked me if baby had been sluggish. At that point I choked up and asked Andino to take Paloma out of the room because I didn't want her to see me upset. After they left, I told the ultrasound tech the whole story and how I felt that the midwife didn't really believe me that the baby wasn't moving. She went and got me some water and the baby still didn't react. At that point she brought in the Doctor and he said they weren't seeing what they wanted to see and I would be heading straight to the Labour & Delivery Unit for an induction. I was so relieved (and surprisingly not overly worried about baby. My intuition told me she'd be fine.) Up until that point I'd been really nervous about being induced but when the time came, I knew it was the right thing to do.

Part 2 will be written as soon as possible about what happened once I got to hospital

Monday, 4 July 2016


41 weeks + 2 days today. Come on baby, what are you waiting for? It's looking increasingly likely that my hippie home birth will not be possible and instead I'll be hooked up to oxytocin in hospital. I am so scared of the intensity of induced contractions! Will I be able to do it without an epidural like last time? I didn't realise how lucky I was that Paloma came on her due date...

I have another midwife appointment this morning for my 4th stretch and sweep and an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow to check if everything is still okay. I've been 2cm and 50% effaced for weeks. I've tried EVERYTHING to get things moving but not even one contraction. The whole house came down with the flu when I was 40 weeks. I was scared to go into labour so dehydrated so I popped into hospital one morning for an iv just in case. We're all better now,  just waiting for baby.

Paloma finished daycare in July. It never even crossed my mind that baby might not be here when she finished. Now we have to figure out what to do with her if I go into labour during the day as my sister in law doesn't think she can leave work. Andino is going to talk to daycare about taking her for 1 day if need be. Fingers crossed.

I've been googling like crazy trying to find out why labour hasn't started and if there's anything I can do, but no new information can be found. Please send labour vibes my way and/or positive stories.

Friday, 20 May 2016

Is This The Last Time?

Last night, Paloma and I went through her totes full of baby stuff, looking for the things we'll need for Baby #2. I felt kind of emotional going through the baby stuff again. When I put that stuff away after Paloma was done with it, I didn't feel very bad because I was pretty confident we'd have a second baby. But now, I keep thinking that this baby may be my last and it makes me sad. Last night may have been the last time I dig through boxes looking for newborn items to wash and get ready for a new arrival.

I just wrote 2 paragraphs full of reasons why I want more kids, but deleted them because, to make a long story short - it's what I've always imagined. If I don't have my third kid, will my dinner table always feel like it's missing a place?

But there are good reasons why I should probably stop after 2 kids. We have to pay a gazillion dollars for daycare. And how would we ever afford to travel as a family of 5? I love to travel...  Andino has mentioned on more than one occasion that he is done after 2. That he is "too old for this". I have to take his feelings into account.

Recently, I did a tour of children's shelters as a Board Engagement activity through the YWCA. I always knew there was an overcrowding of foster children in this city, but seeing them and meeting them really hit my heart. I have talked to Andino many times about fostering and he's not sold on the idea. If we did, I'd probably only foster newborns and small babies. I know it's a few years away before I'd be able to do it but it's certainly on my mind. The only problem with fostering newborns is that I wouldn't get maternity leave as a foster Mom and as a Canadian, I can't imagine putting a newborn in daycare... although I suppose it really wouldn't be that bad.

I'll be 35 weeks this Sunday. I decided that since this is possibly my last pregnancy and therefore my last delivery, I'm going ahead with a home birth. I have always been intrigued by the idea and my midwives assure me I'm an ideal candidate. I've decided against a water birth though. I don't want to be bothered with all that set up and take down. I want everything to be simple. I won a doula and birth photography package though a local babywearing facebook group I am part of. It's valued at $1500 but we got it for $250. It would be amazing if we got some beautiful pictures from the delivery.

I'm still feeling quite comfortable. The baby has dropped (which never happened last time at all, not even when I was in active labour) so my ribs aren't hurting any more, which was one of my major discomforts over the last few weeks. I've been having some braxton hicks, especially if I over exert myself, but nothing major. No swelling or other discomfort other than the obvious discomfort from bending over or trying to wrangle a toddler while heavily pregnant.

We have more or less decided on names. We have 2 boys names and 2 girls names we agree on and we will probably just wait until the baby comes and see what he or she looks like. I have 3 weeks left of work and then I'm off for 14 months which makes me incredibly happy.

And now I will leave you with a few photos:

It was unseasonably chilly a few mornings last week

Playing with her cousin

homemade banana ice cream!

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